Are certain people born with the innate ability to say "no" or able to stand up and prevent things from happening? While others are left speechless/ so stunned that they do nothing? Is this response nature or nurture? I wonder how that works. To this day I still find myself having to rewind and revisit situations because I did not do what I was supposed to or responded differently than I should have, returning humbly and asking forgiveness to set back on the right path.

I've been watching my daughter this last year... remembering how much had already happened in my life by the age of 13. For this I am both relieved and hypersensitive to her being "special needs". I'm quite sure I would not be in my right mind if I ever found out that she was coming close to walking the path I walked. Have I given her the tools she needs? But even if the tools are adequate, I cannot fill the shoes of a good friend and this concerns me. I can only rely on Christ to provide what she needs, whether I see it or not.

I am sitting here pondering how I am going to proceed with a condensed version of my life. I'm realizing fundamental parts are long, drawn out and or are rather sickening/perverted. In other words, these events shouldn't have happened, they are not right, but they are part of my life and part of who I am. They are part of what has shaped me. God has saved me from much, forgiven me of much... I lift my eyes unto the hills.