anger angry angrier

This has been quite the week... when is it that I decide I've had enough? I don't. I move on... but oh, the temptation just to throw that towel in. Boot straps? I have none. A painted smile? Hmmm... yeah, that washed away. I wonder what it is that short circuits in my brain? What is my malfunction? "It could be worse!" Yes, I know, but I really feel this crazy desire to run off, disappear, go running like some crazy woman screaming down the street. I want to smoosh a piece of pizza in my hands and hurl it at a wall. I want to go and get all tattooed and pierced. (OH, I did that already) I want to breathe without that breath hitching in my throat. I want my heart to beat without all of a sudden going into a frantic rhythm. Numb, numb would be easier... I guess I really don't want easier.

And then... I smile. I find a moment that has nothing to do with anything and I can breathe. I'm not overwhelmed and everything that I've committed to holds joy and purpose. I can see passed the whines, the cries, the stress, the homework, to do list and schedules, my own feelings of solitude/ insignificance/ unworthiness.

And do you know what this is??? This is the ranting of someone who has tried taking life into her own hands. This is a crap place to be... so now it is time to find the path that I wandered from. Lord, help me!!!