dreaming to the point of exhaustion and seeing heros.

I have been plagued by emotionally intense dreams for over 2 weeks now. I have to drill my fingers into my jaw to undo the tension every morning. From laughing hysteria to my own death to the loss of people to traveling and parties and funerals... these dreams keep coming. They could really stop and give me a good nights rest.

Thinking about Grama... again. Remembering being told that Grama was going to live in a senior community living center. Being out of the home and then out of state for so long made it surreal- never pictured her in that environment. Trying to talk with her on the phone... being that I'm not a phone person anyway, was interesting. Sometimes as scattered as seeds in the wind, I was never certain whether or not she realized it was me. As time wore on the conversations became shorter and shorter. In the brief interludes I had with her during my MI visits, I could sense both her frustration and courage to be where she was.

It's strange, that I grew up partially under her authority and yet I have felt/feel so far removed. I didn't see her last days. I wasn't there for her when the road became rough. I never heard Grama resolve her determination that "I'm not going until the rapture comes!". This woman of authority in my life disappeared or I should say that is how it feels. I remember coming to the point where all I could do was sing to God for her. Lift my hands and sing.


Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won't turn back
I know you are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You



She ran a long hard race. She did not quit. She loved, she suffered loss, she battled for the salvation of loved ones, she let everyone know "Jesus loves you". :) "Did you know that Jesus loves you?!?!?!" I cannot remember how many times those words came pouring out of her lips. Umpteen bazillion... I think that would cover it. A hero...